Please help me.. I am begging

Every time I feel like I almost have a leg up, my world seems to kick me right in the teeth over and over and over. Today I came home and my water was shut off. I swear every time something like this happens it makes me want to just walk over to the drawer and suck start that pistol. I’m going to try to ask for help… something I don’t usually do. But I’m going to try anyway. Unless you know someone who would just come over and shoot me in the forehead and walk out.. .that would honestly be preferable. I’m waterless, soon to be powerless, and homeless. I can’t feed my dogs. I’ve been drinking expired protein shakes for something like 8-9 months. Idk, I stopped counting. I just want life to NOT suck. But it’s a never ending battle. Seriously never ending.

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Competition…

At my new job, with women I’m not sure even like me.. we started an “office competition” to see who can lose the most weight. I am 5’5″, 169lbs..I’m not fat.. just a little pudgy in the belly. My teammate is 5’7″ish, 190lbs and has the body of a woman who has 3 children by C-section. She’s not fat either, just a little extra baggage. The closest girls to our weights are well over 200lbs. One girl just had gastric bypass and the others are taking thyroid medication and some weird OTC weightloss supplement, and quite possibly a tape worm. I feel like this is high school. Although the competition is supposed to be “friendly” I feel like everyone is ready to sabotage each other rather than support and help one another.  I’m playing along with their joking and smiling.. I’m trying to laugh at the mean comments, although I’ve said several times they make me uncomfortable. I was called “the Duff” by my coworker and boss yesterday.. I didn’t know what it was. I asked and they just smiled and told me to Google it. Google says.. The DUFF: Designated Ugly Fat Friend.

Seriously? I am the only one in this entire office who could not only lift but fireman squat a person. I am the only person in this office who could carry a wounded soldier off a battlefield. The only one who can legit squat 300+ pounds. I am the only one who can ride a bike 8+ miles without feeling like I’m going to die. Or rollerblade for more than an hour. I want to say this competition is stupid and they’re all cheating because they have almost twice the amount of weight to lose. But instead I am going to kick their asses. I am going to drop at least 10% body fat and lose no less than 30 lbs. I am going to show them who the “DUFF” isn’t. And then when they all fail, I am going to sit quietly with my newfound abs and rocking ass body and I am not going to gloat, or brag, or talk trash.. but I am going to be that cute, fit, amazingly nice girl you want to hate because she’s so perfect, but you can’t hate her because she’s too nice. That’s what I’m going to do.

“To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.”

“Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret.”

Anti-girl Problems Week 1: Day 4.

Intro to my work peeps:

the Freak – my boss who is a completely nutzo absolutely oversharing sex manic

The Tail – the other receptionist who only got hired because she’s friends with the Freak

Go to girl (GG) – the only one in the office I like

Southern Charm – for all the backhanded things she says while smiling but really means go fuck yourself with every smile

So today was in a great mood when I got to work. They moved me off the front desk into the side office with GG, which is nice because now I don’t get as much high school drama traffic. GG is teaching not only me, but two other girls how to do our jobs. No one is really helping her and The Tail spends most of every day in the Freak’s office gossiping.

I got yelled at for “sitting unprofessionally”. Which to her defense, I was, in fact, doing such. I was waiting for GG to finish teaching girl #3 something and my feet were on an open drawer as I was kind of crouch leaning forward – think bleacher stance. I was googling a word for my coworker because she didn’t believe my definition of “cohort”.

My boss (The Freak) says in what I took as a joking one,because she jokes with everyone, “hey stop texting and do some work”. I reply in a joking tone, “I’m not texting I’m googling a definition for GG”. I then say loudly, also in a joking tone, to GG, “hurry up and give me my next task!”. My boss walks in and tells me to come to her office.  When I get in there she completely lays into me about how unprofessional I am for my feet being up and if I don’t have anything to do then I need to find something to do. Which is funny because literally the day before, I was trying to be proactive and I started putting things away, taking out trash, wiping down cabinets, and washed all the coffee cups that were just left in the sink. As I was doing all that, The Tail was sitting in the Freak’s office.. gossiping. I apparently missed two phone calls and the Freak yells “HELLO!?!?! PHONE!!!!” Dude, wtf. Chick secretary #2 (the Tail) is sitting right next to you and um, you’re the OFFICE MANAGER. If things go unanswered regardless of whether I answer, you do, or some random does, it ALL reflects upon you. So just letting it ring to be a spiteful bitch?  Not super intelligent. So I go back to the desk and don’t leave again. Maybe it’s just me, but I was surprised to hear her tell me to leave the desk after telling me 24 hours prior not to leave the phones unattended.

But here’s my favorite part, AGAIN.. less than 24 hours prior, this SAME Freak who tells me I’M unprofessional was standing in the middle of the office talking about how she loves rough sex and she loves sucking dick but refuses to swallow because the only two people who swallow are hoes and bitches in love. Then she proceeds to go into seriously vulgar descriptions of how she gives blow jobs and how if a dude cums deep in your throat, it’s not technically swallowing because it’s already halfway down there. She was talking about licking a man’s asshole and how she loves a guy to put their entire tongue in her ass.. and on and on and on. Not only that, but this conversation STARTED at lunch. In public. I told them the conversation made me uncomfortable, but they just kept laughing. I was really embarrassed because there were several elderly people around and to me, that’s just trashy. I’m all for doing what you want in the bedroom, but can you keep it there… please? I don’t need to hear about it.

ANYWAY…  I want to know how you have the audacity to say that I am the unprofessional one when you are the one talking about all that disgusting stuff, in a doctor’s office, while I’m taking calls from patients on the phone, you sit in your office all day and gossip with Southern Charm and The Tail, and you’re the office manager. Dude, what world do you live in?!

Oh and today, I asked GG to watch the phone so I could pee, mind you The Tail is in the back gossiping somewhere. GG answers a call, then gets another one – from the back office The Tail and Freak are in. Then because GG didn’t automatically place them on hold, and I was mid-potty, the Freak screams “Who is answering the fucking phones?!” I came out of the bathroom and just looked at her with that ‘you’re a fucking moron’ face. Then snarkily responded with a “sorry I had to pee”.

I was seriously so close to telling her to go fuck herself and walking out. You legit spend half the day fucking off gossiping in your office and yet I’m the one who’s wrong.

Here’s my real issue, how do I know where my boundaries are if YOU are completely unprofessional all the time? I’m just going to play that bullshit “speak when spoken to game” and be done with it.